THE WEB PAGE OF
Sentences
up
with which
we find it amusing to put.
Cautionary
Comments:
Sources
are (usually) not quoted. Some are worth ferreting out. The title of
this page
is a case in point.
The
target language is (standard
Errors
in any language (including my own)
are par for the course and are carefully hidden.
Other
phrases are admittedly completely
incomprehensible to even native speakers unless they know the “joke”.
An
example is the Dutch “graven” sentence. As an amusing variation, the
Italian
“archbishopric” phrase is essentially unpronounceable even to native
speakers
who read it slowly off the screen.
Otorhinolaryngologist
(Complaint
of
a
fish and chips store owner, who has the store's sign
painted.)
I
don't
like
it: you didn't leave enough space between fish and
and and and
and chips.
(Complaint
of
a
child whose mother reads to her every night.)
What
did
you
bring this book that I don't want to be read
to
out
of
up for against my
will.
(A
true
sentence
that cannot be truly written:)
Two has 3 meanings in the English language.
(A
true
sentence
that cannot be truly said:)
There is clearly no cause for confusion between to, too, and two.
(And
therefore,
of
course, we have a true sentence that cannot be truly said
or written:)
Two has 3 meanings in the English language, and there is clearly no cause for confusion between to, too, and two.
Ob
man
ueber Unterammergau
oder
aber ueber Oberammergau
faehrt, ist ja
ganz egal.
Als
hinter Fliegen
Fliegen fliegen,
fliegen Fliegen
Fliegen nach.
(If
you
understood
the Fliegen
and
still
feel
lucky
try the following three sentences.)
Wenn
Grillen
Grillen Grillen
grillen, grillen
Grillen Grillen
Grillen.
Als
in
Graven
graven gravengraven
graven,
graven graven Gravener
gravengraven.
Toen
zagen
zagen zagen zagen
zagen, zagen zagen zagen zagen
zagen.
(Here
is
one
that is nearly impossible to say:)
Fischers
Fritz fischt
frische Fische,
frische Fische
fischt Fischers
Fritz.
(Husband,
wife,
three
children.
Children
want to camp out in the tent.)
Mother:
Let
us
forget the tent! Father: Yes, let us four
get
the
tent!
(On
a
different
tack, here are two sentences about knowing and knowledge.
They
are
not
all
supposed to be funny; they were written by
So
there
is
no point in anyone trying to learn from me what I know
I
do
not
know -- unless, perhaps, he wants to
know
how
not to know
what,
as
he
ought to know, no one can know.
If
they
say,
"What if you are mistaken?" -- well,
if I am mistaken,
I
am.
For,
if one does not exist, he can by no means be mistaken.
Therefore,
I
am,
if
I am mistaken that I am,
since
it
is
certain that
I
am,
if
I am mistaken. And because, if I could be mistaken, I would
have
to
be
the one who is mistaken, therefore, I am most certainly
not
mistaken
in
knowing that I am. Nor, as a consequence, am I
mistaken
in
knowing
that I know. For, just as I know that I am, I
also
know
that
I know.
(Here
are
three
palindromes.)
Was it a bar or a bat I saw.
Dábale arroz a la zorra el abad.
Doc,
note,
I
dissent.
A fast
never prevents a fatness.
I diet on cod.
(How
about
some
grafiti?
Here is
what someone wrote on
a
holder
of
paper toilet seat covers:)
Republican Life Vests.
English
is
very
rich in words for groupings (nouns of assembly). Here are a
number of
them.
I
leave
out
the exclusively generic ones such "set" or
"group". The generic ones include wonderful words like "scad" (and its
plural). This
may once have had a specific connotation, but its origin is unknown and
it
(now) only has its generic meaning. I also leave out all words that
have their
origin in number or weight ("dozens", "tons"). In fact
almost all of the following
words
have
in
common that they are used primarily but not only in a very
specific
context. Do you
know
each
of
the following contexts? For example: A "round of drinks", a
"cluster of stars",
a
"colony
of
termites", an "episode of sparrows", an
"unkindness of ravens", a " of products",
a
"shock
of
hair", a "den of cub scouts", a "span of
time", a "remuda of horses",
a
"setting
of
wares", a "mob of kangaroos" (from Australia),
a "bevy of larks" (or "... quail") etc.
Words like
"brace" and "cord" are not included since
they
imply
a fixed quantity-- 2 in the first case and 4x4x8 foot in the
second.
I included "batch", since it has one specific non-generic usage,
namely "a batch of cows". Similarly for "book": "a
book of matches". Some have more than one preferred
specific
usages:
"a
skein of thread", "a skein of geese". Or try
this: a “flight of birds” and a
“flight of locks”.
A
"peal
of
bells" means a set of bells as found in a
church tower (related to "appeal < appel
(fr.)").
The
sound
of
laughter (a peal of laughter) is derived from
this.)
A
"lashing"
comes
from something you bind together (to
lash). However, in the old days a lashing
meant a whipping,
A
"welter"
is
from old Indo-European stock and has to
do with generally round things
(apparently "valley" and
"revolve" are words related to it).
In
the
same
way a "load" consists of generally heavy
things. "Gobs" is of Celtic origin and
originally meant a mouthful.
Another
word of Celtic origin and one of unknown origin have not
made the cut as being too
generic: "slew" (or "slue", but not,apparently, "slough") and "oodles".
"Onslaught"
is
a
borderline case. It is of Dutch
origin ("aanslag" = "attack") and
means an overwhelming outpouring.
In
one
of
his novels Gore Vidal uses the beautiful phrasing “a
raft of royalty” for some of the guests at a very uppity party.
Those
of
you
keen on really cool words: look up “clowder
of cats”.
James
Lipton
wrote
a book called “An Exaltation of Larks” which
contains many more example of these words than we can list here.
Covey,
coven,
episode,
dollop, pinch, stack, gaggle, bevy, herd, flock, grove,
flight,
wing, span,
tribe,
clan,
synod,
fleet, flotilla, squadron, squad, troop, swarm, army,
flurry,
barrage, deck, bolt, cluster,
galaxy,
pack,
pride,
pod, school, bed, round, colony, pile, crock, murder,
raft, wad,
heap,
larder,
clutch,
convoy,
ream, retinue, batch, confederacy, bullpen, hutch, mob,
droves,
posse,
gang,
band,
hood, shock, parliament, unkindness, den, setting, remuda,
brood,
copse,
cabal,
batch,
book, skein, quiver, pencil, passel, shoal, peal, spate,
smattering, clowder,
detachment,
battery,
batallion,
regiment, division, crew, smattering, lashing, welter, load, gobs,
onslaught, clowder, exaltation, detail,
bouquet, posy.
(Polite
French
for
when you bump someone in the Parisian
metro.)
A: "Faux pas!"
B: "Pas de deux."
(French Vocabulary no-one Believes. Try to say it with a French accent.)
Le Vasistdas
(Six infinitives in succession)
Ik
zou jou
wel eens willen
hebben blijven
zien staan
kijken
tot
het conflict een einde
nam.
(If you think Italian is operatic and easy, try this tongue twister = "sciolilingua".)
Se l'Arcivescovo di Constantinopoli si
volesse disarcivescovisconstantinopolizzare, vi
disarcivescovisconstantinopolizzereste voi per
non fare disarcivescovisconstantinopolizzare lui?
(Here are two others that are popular, especially with children.)
Trentatre Trentini entrarono a Trento
tutti e trentatre trotterellando.
Sopra la panca la capra campa. Sotto
la panca la capra crepa.
(Sound differences are an unending source of marvel. Subtle sound differences give rise to interesting minimal pairs or words which differ in only one phonological element. These are not always distinguishable by non-native speakers. These pairs are from Italian. They differ only by the length of the consonants in the middle in the first case, and by the open-closed distinction of the vowel “e” in the second. In W. European languages ‘open’-ness is indicated by a `-accent and ‘closed’-ness by a ´-accent on the relevant vowel.)
pala
= spade and
palla
=
ball
pèsca
=
peach and
pésca = fishing
(On the same subject as before, I cannot help but mention that Portuguese has one of the most complex sound systems of the W. European languages. As a result it is capable of making remarkable distinctions with truly subtle means --- note though that there are large differences between Brazilian and European Portuguese. The first distinction in the word pairs that follow is so subtle as to be nearly impossible to recognize: the stress falls on the same syllable, but the accent in the second word that its sound is slightly more open than that of the first. The second pair is a clearer open-closed distinction. The third is also open-closed, but not as easy to hear. In the fourth pair, the first is slightly more open. In the last pair, I think, the second consonant is slightly more closed and slightly longer. (They both sound like diphthongs.) The differences in the last two pairs of words I’ll leave as home work.)
pensamos
= we
think and
pensámos
= we
thought
avó = grandmother
and avô =
grandfather
sé = seat (of bishopry) and sê =
be! (imperative)
sóis = suns
and sois =
you
(pl) are
tem = (s)he has
and têm = they
have
vem = (s)he comes
and veem = the
come
colher = fork
and colher = to
harvest, (also various conjugated forms of this verb)
(Here are a few bloopers that are probably only interesting to mathematicians who grade homework. The first of these translates literally into some other languages such as Italian.)
The compliment of a set.
A bijection is a map that is both invective and subjective.
(Words in the English language of unexpected Dutch origin.)
pickle <-- pekel
(In fact, even an idiom involving this word was taken from Dutch:)
in a pickle <-- iemand in de pekel laten zitten
onslaught <-- aanslag
How are cows related to fish?
One has a plural that has no letters in common with its singular and the other has a plural identical to its singular.
fish --> fish
cow --> kine
Plurals are undeniably interesting, even over and beyond the previous entry.
quail --> quail ?
or: quail --> quails ?
It
turns
out
that both are possible according to this website:
http://www.mcwdn.org/grammar/irregular.html
(Words that can mean their own opposite. the first case is beautiful: essentially the only two
meanings of 'cleave' are each others opposite. The second word already has other primary meanings.
See http://www-personal.umich.edu/~cellis/antagonym.html.)
to cleave --> 'cleave to your principle' and 'this issue will cleave the party'.
to buck --> 'bucking the trend' and 'bucking for promotion'.
oversight --> 'carelessness' and 'controlled care'.
reservation
--> 'uncertainty' and 'certainty
of availability (of a ticket)'.
sanction
--> ‘to encourage
authoritatively’ and ‘to deter by punishment’.
inscient
--> ‘ignorant’ and ‘insightful’.
to
dust --> ‘to remove dust from’ and ‘to put
dust on’.
to
trim --> ‘to cut something away’ and ‘to add
something as an ornament’.
liege
--> ‘a lord to whom allegiance is due’
and ‘a
subject owing allegiance. (Also as adj.)
to
cover --> ‘this material is covered in the
lecture’ (shown) and ‘the painting has been covered’ (hidden).
to
uncover --> ‘to make visible’ and ‘to leave
out: this material is usually left uncovered by traditional courses’.
You
have
failed
me --> as in: “This exam was easy; you should have done
well,
but…” and “Almost all my answers on the exam were correct, nonetheless …”.
to visit -->
Possibly controversial: "I'll visit my family in Holland next summer" as
opposed to "I'll visit a curse on X" (I will not go there) .
Here
is
something
related in the English language I ran into unexpectedly.
It is the obverse of previous entry:
Words that are grammatically each others' opposite, but (can) convey
the same notion.
The first is "the" standard example of this phenomenon
The
pair
ingenious
& ingenuous is
a
“quasi-antagonym”:
‘clever’
or
‘cunning’
on
theone
hand
and
‘lacking in cunning’ on
the
other.
Chymsko
called this a
quantagonym, and
made
this
the foundation of a
transformational theory based on the smallest changes that radically
change the
meaning of a phrase.
(Our favorite book title.)
"Let
Stalk
Strine" by Afferbeck
Lauder.
(In
reading
a
text we look for higher level units than letters.
To
show
that,
note how hard it is --- for native speakers of English---
to
count the number of f’s
in the following sentence.)
Finished
files
are
the result of years of scientific study combined with the
experience
of years.
(What
is
the
mysterious geographic connection between
East?)
as
an old name
for a nation in what is now (Caucasian)
(A
beautiful
category
of entries is ‘they do not say what you think they
say’.
Here is an Italian example, where they do absolutely
not say that their bimbo is held captive in the asylum.)
Il
mio bimbo è stato
cattivo nell’asilo = My child
behaved badly in kindergarten
(Related
to
these
are entries where ‘they don’t say what say others
think they say’.
To
limit
this
a bit, let’s stick to phrases or words that have (nearly) opposite
meanings in different
languages. Compare also
with the earlier ‘opposite meanings’ in English entry, which of course
is a
much harder category.)
Exquisito
(Sp) = out of the ordinary and good
Exquisito
(Port) = out of ordinary and bad;
worse than strange.
(Things
you
wouldn’t
believe could happen in your own language.
In Portuguese infinitives (ie: “to
go”) are very often conjugated. In Italian consonants
such as “b”, “p”, “v”,
“m”, “n”, “z”, “s”, and so on are routinely doubled with marked
consequences
(in the middle and south of the country) for the pronunciation. In
Spanish
interrogative and exclamatory sentences are marked by punctuation signs
both at the beginning and
the end of the sentence. In
Romanian and Danish the definite article “the” comes after
the noun. In Russian all verbs have two (often
completely different) forms according to whether the action the verb
represents
either has a distinct
finality, purpose, or place of arrival, or
on the other hand lacks such a finality. In
English,
“going to friend’s house” or “walking around through the park” gives an
idea of
this difference in ‘aspect’.)
The
modern
Romance languages consist of various "national" languages
such as Italian,
French,
Spanish, Portuguese, and Romanian. Linguists consider many
"subnational" languages, such as Occitan, Catalan, Neapolitan,
Sicilian, Galician, Ladino, and so on, as separate languages (See
"Ethnologue").
While
all
of these languages have a documented
common root, they are not necessarily mutually comprehensible. It in
fact depends. If you are from Galicia, you obviously speak "Gallego",
but you will also be completely comfortable
in both Spanish and Portuguese.
Nonetheless a native of Lisbon and one
of Madrid, if we assume no linguistic education, are
more
likely to converse in English than Portuguese or Spanish. (The same
applies on a much larger scale in South America.) Nonetheless the
similarities between all of these languages
are striking.
In
spite
of popular belief, these languages are not
the direct inheritors of classical Latin, but rather of the version of
that
language spoken by the “ordinary” people, namely “vulgar Latin”. Vulgar
in this
instance refers to the language of the common people and not to dirty
jokes. In
this language the complicated system of cases, with which literary
classical
Latin was riddled, ended up essentially simplified to two cases: one
was the
nominative, and the second was a catch-all for all the other cases of
classical (literary)
Latin. It was represented by what used to be accusative.
Possibly this meant that words were most commonly used in the (ancient)
accusative, because most Romance nouns assumed a form that appears to
come from
the accusative of literary Latin and not the nominative. All other
cases were largely lost.
That
development together with the
loss of the final “m” sound in late
classical Latin were apparently decisive in the formation of nouns in
the Romance languages. A good example
of this is that Latin “(nom) pater – (acc)
patrem”
became “padre” in Spanish and Italian, “père”
in
French.
As
the
example of "father" above indicates, there were local variations
as well. We ended up with
not a single "Neo Vulgar Latin" language, but a slew of them (ie:
Spanish, Portuguese, French, etc).
There are many details to that story as well. One aspect that comes up
in the "father" example
is the difference in "palatalization", that is the "softening" of the
pronunciation of a word
to accommodate the lazy palate. According to the above scheme Romance
could have stuck with
"patre" for father. However, that word makes the tongue work harder
than "padre" (Sp+It).
Thence it is one one more step to drop the "d" sound altogether. Hence
the French “père”.
Yet
another
clue to
the origins of the Romance languages is that the vocabulary does not at
all
correspond to that of classical (literary) Latin, but rather to a
colloquial/evolved version of it: “casa”, which occurs in practically
all
Romance languages, does not of course derive from “domus”,
but
is
related to the more colloquial “casa (lat.)” = “hut”. While “domus” took over the role of “house of god”, as
in “duomo (It.)”, “dom
(Ger.)”, in the common language of the
impoverished latin(ized) people after
the fall of
Vulgar
Latin
was
never documented very well, because Latin remained the literary
language in
which intellectuals tended to write. Nonetheless the list of examples
of the
kind given here is endless, and can easily be accessed through all
manner of websources.
Quotes
on
Cities:
(The
following
quote
(by Renato Fucini)
can
be
found on a plaque in Amalfi. The
statement is
probably true.)
"Il
giorno del giudizio,
per
gli Amalfitani
che andranno
in paradiso,
sarà un giorno come tutti gli
altri."
(The
following
is
just as true (by Francisco de Icaza), you can find it on a plaque in
“Dale
limosna, mujer,
que no hay nada en la vida
como la pena
de ser ciego en Granada.”
Yogi
Berra
was
a baseball player with the New York Yankees in the 1950's.
He was famous for his colorful phrases, sometimes called Yogiisms.
The following quotes are taken from wikipedia:
"Nobody
goes
[to
that restaurant] anymore, it's too crowded."
"90% of [baseball] is half mental."
On explaining how to find his
house:
"When you come to a fork in the road, take it."
"Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to
yours."
"I really didn't say everything I said"
This
is
from
the `typo's in faculty meeting memoranda' series.
This phrase is meant to recommend a proposal by Prof X to
extend the material of a certain course (note the extra `s'though):
"Let's
teach
this
ass a lesson."
This one explains an issue of
confidentiality (the 4th word should be "reveal"):
"I will not revile the name of the colleague who told me that."
Brilliant
Hyperboles and other Wonderful Phrases.
Mathematicians
aren't
known for eloquence. That belief is uninformed.
They think very hard about the most basic concepts. Those include
numbers, shapes, but also that most elemental form of thought: words.